i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
