i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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