I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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