no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
