you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
