i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
