i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
