I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
