So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
