But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
