My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
What a fucking waste of an outfit
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
