Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I party with great urgency now.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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