Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
