I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
