you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
