When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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