I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
did i walk over a car last night?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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