i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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