No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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