I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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