i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
