you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
