Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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