Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
