I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
mondays should just be called national damage control day
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
