@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
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