so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
