so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize