This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
