Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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