she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
