I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
