On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
