her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
