The brown eye won't let me do that either.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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