I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
