that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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