see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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