I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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