he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
