Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
