No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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