I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
