The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
