So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
