summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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