Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
