I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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