Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
