i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
