I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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