I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
