apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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