I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
