Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
