To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
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