I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
