This girl is more easily done than said...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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