So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
