MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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