can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Randomize
