I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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